You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
