So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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