So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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