just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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