my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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