ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
