And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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