At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
