he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
