I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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