Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
