the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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