I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
