How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
