You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i came on her dog
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
