I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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