I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
