New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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