I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
