Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
