i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
