Only a mothe r could love this liver
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
people are starting to question the shark bite story
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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