if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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