the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
