marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i drank out of a bidet.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
