I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
