He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
