You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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