just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
