I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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