"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
