I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
