This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
