im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
