apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
