He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
