You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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