please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
