i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
