at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
