Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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