im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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