i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
