I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
