i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
