oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
