Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
