it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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