She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
