Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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