9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
And then he peed in my hair
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