Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
