He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
