he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
